Nice Guys lose because they put others before themselves.
When I was younger, I had been taught that you should always help people. I took this to the point at which I would help at the expense of my own personal wellbeing.
If you are running a race, are you going to push someone in front of you across the finish line? No you will not. You’re a winner and you’ve worked relentlessly hard for what you want. You won’t accept anything but victory.
Why, then do nice guys constantly do the opposite of that which will bring them success?
Nice Guys do nice things because they think they’ll get something in return for it. Never out of the kindness of their hearts.
A nice guy will literally do a cute girl’s homework in the hopes that it will make her like him. A nice guy subconsciously gives cute girls compliments in the hopes of her falling in love with him. Just like the movies teach you; if you keep trying, no matter how dorky or needy you are, you will win with persistence. Never, “just be yourself”.
In an ideal world, this would work. You put work in and work comes out. Unfortunately, this is the real world, and what works is owning yourself.
Nice behavior is supplicating behavior. It broadcasts to the world that you do not respect yourself at all; and that you are a prime target for abuse.
A nice guy trains those people around him to treat him the way they do.
If you continually allow people to treat you negatively, and even reinforce that behavior by being nice to that person instead of standing up for yourself, you are training them to treat you like a commodity, to be discarded when you’re used up.
Imagine an empty glass.
This glass represents your human needs.
A nice guy gives from his glass with the intention of people filling it back up. His glass only fills if other people pour into it.
When you own yourself, you begin to fill your own glass.
You can give all you want when your glass is overflowing. And since it’s overflowing, you can give without strings attached; simply out of the goodness of your heart.
Then, when your cup is only full, you raise your boundaries, say no to people asking for help, and begin filling it up more so that you can give later.
Go fill up your cup.